Nets coach is The Biggest Loser

New Jersey Nets coach Lawrence Frank wishes the end of his coaching career looked something like the beginning of his coaching career.

Unfortunately, the end of his coaching career was less like Elvis and hypnotizing pelvic thrusts and more like Elvis on the toilet eating fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

After an almost-historic 0-16 start to the season, the Nets' front office had enough, and told Frank to not bother coming into work on Monday.

They couldn't have waited until Sunday night's game against the Los Angeles Lakers was done? It was New Jersey's fourth and final away game of their road trip, and Frank was already in the area, but the Nets' front office had seen enough, apparently. Sadly, management prevented him from collecting his second professional basketball record -- most consecutive losses in NBA history.

Frank started his coaching career in 2004 with a magical 13-0 run, an NBA record for most consecutive wins to start a coaching career.

The former Nets coach compiled a 225-241 record, 16 games under .500, which is, oddly enough, exactly how many games under .500 New Jersey was this year.

Next UGA bulldog to be a robot?

With the recent passing of University of Georgia mascot Uga VII, PETA decided that the SEC school needed an intervention. Enter robot dog!

The uber sensitive animal-friendly organization sent UGA a letter suggesting that athletic director Damon Evans "replace the mascot with an animatronic dog -- or to rely solely on a costumed mascot -- instead of using another real bulldog," and went on to explain that bulldogs are prone to injury.

PETA is seriously suggesting that the next dog mascot should be a robot dog? Blah blah blah. Uga VIII is going to have such a tough life, being chauffered around everywhere and fed top-shelf dog food. PETA really needs to pick its battles.

Being the Uga mascot is such an easy and cushy job that I'd do it, even if it meant I had to strictly eat Purina for the rest of my life.

He gets pampered, has a warm home, eats the filet mignon of dog food and girls find him adorable. Honestly, what's better than that? A life in an SPCA kennel, where the only human interaction you get is having some booger-eater kids stick their grubby fingers through your cage?

Anyway, instead of an English bulldog, may I suggest to the University of Georgia that Uga VIII is an American bulldog? You're right, that makes too much sense. After all, the English version of football is soccer. If you guys want, I have the perfect dog for the job. And he likes football!

Hester bares it all

Chicago Bears return specialist and occasional wide receiver Devin Hester took advantage of his team being featured on Sunday Night Football the only way he knew how: by showing his butt to the whole country.

Well, that's not quite fair. Philadelphia Eagles cornerback Dimitri Patterson actually made the executive decision to tackle Hester from the jockstrap, pantsing him from behind on an incomplete pass.

Fortunately for Hester, the mooning wasn't displayed during the actual play, thanks to NBC's camerawork.

Unfortunately for Hester, this is 2009, and not only did NBC decide to show the less flattering angle in slow motion, but people also took advantage of their DVRs and paused, rewound and replayed the whole debacle several times.

This all but completes the NFL's lesson on human anatomy. Last year, Minnesota Vikings tight end Visanthe "I had to Google it to spell it right" Shiancoe's Visanthe Schiancoe was shown on Fox after a post game trip to the locker room showed his front end (safe for work).

MJD kneels ball, loses own fantasy league

With 1:48 remaining in the Jaguars-Jets game last Sunday, Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew broke through a line of New York defenders at Jets' 10-yard line. He had a clear shot at the end zone.

But, down 22-21, MJD opted to take a knee just before the goal line, setting Jacksonville kicker Josh Scobee up for the game-winning field goal as time expired.

A fairly meaningless decision for 99% of the world, it would seem. Except if MJD had gotten into the end zone, 10,000 ESPN fantasy football team owners would have won their week. Instead, a bunch of nerds have been complaining all week about MJD's decision to kneel it.

Including Jones-Drew himself.

Of course, who can complain when Jones-Drew finished the game with 123 yards rushing, 22 yards receiving and a touchdown?

ESPN's Paul Kuharsky spoke to the Pro Bowler, who said that the kneel down may have made him miss his own playoffs.

"That would have had me at 6-4 at the top of my league. It might cost me, but I trust that my team will step it up these next couple weeks and get us back into contention [for the real-life playoffs]," Jones-Drew said.

Brady Quinn knocked down a peg

Surprisingly, Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn hadn't hit rock bottom until Sunday.

Already kind of annoying douche with a plethora of embarrassing pictures on the Internet, Quinn set out to turn anyone on the fence into full-blown haters during Sunday's 16-0 loss to the Ravens.

It had nothing to do with his 99 passing yards on 31 attempts, his two interceptions or even his abysmal 23.5 quarterback rating.

Nope. Instead, it was on his second interception in two possessions, when he threw a duck that Ravens cornerback Chris Carr snagged.

In a half-assed attempt to get to Carr, Quinn dove at linebacker Terrell Suggs, tearing the Pro Bowler's MCL and landing him on the injury list for the next few weeks.

Quinn received a fine for the hit, but played dumb after the game.

"I can see why they'd be upset. But again, he wasn't even in my vision. I was trying to get to the ball. He cut across my face as I was already try to jump down for the tackle. ... I wasn't trying to go for him. I was trying to go for the ball carrier. Unfortunately, a thing like that can happen. I'm praying for him. Hopefully he'll be all right," Quinn said.

Linebacker Ray Lewis isn't buying it.

"I understand what Brady Quinn is saying after the fact, but you go dive at a man's knee that doesn't even have the football. ... You get penalised so much as a defensive player for going in and just doing your job, and then you see a person not doing his job and goes and spears a man in his knee. ... Now the man is out. It's not good football. It's not good when people do things like that and then apologize as if, 'Oh, OK, I didn't mean to do it.' That's whatever," Lewis said.

As part of his punishment, if you see Brady Quinn walking around this week, feel free to dive at his knees.

Miami (OH) coach makes reporter look silly

After his team's heartbreaking 72-70 loss at Kentucky on Monday, Miami of Ohio coach Charlie Coles got a little testy in the postgame press conference. In doing so, he also became one of my favorite coaches. This guy goes on an awesome two-minute rant about a reporter's stupid question.

The question in question? "How did you let the Kentucky game get away from you?"

Hmm. The RedHawks entered the game as nearly 18-point underdogs, so losing by two points isn't really letting the game get away from you, unless you're up 20 points in the second half, which Miami wasn't.

If you didn't see how the game ended, you should probably check it out here. Somewhere, Washington Wizards commentator Steve Buckhantz is literally foaming at the mouth thinking about all of the missed "DAGGER!!!" possibilities.

Happy Wednesday.

Titans owner flips bird, gets fined

Titans owner Bud Adams must have dementia. That's the only reason I can think why anyone would flip not one but two middle fingers to some Buffalo fans toward the end of Tennessee's 41-17 win over the visiting Bills.

His team wasn't losing, and they were at home in front of a crowd of at least 75 percent Titans fans.

Adams threw caution to the wind, and got caught on camera giving two one-finger salutes. Now, he's received a massive $250,000 fine for it.

"I got caught up in the excitement of a great day, but I do realize those types of things shouldn't happen. I need to specifically apologize to the Bills, their fans, our fans and the NFL," Adams said in a statement issued after the video (see below) went viral.

According to the NFL's constitution, the maximum fine for anyone -- owner included -- is $500,000. To give perspective, in 2007 Patriots coach Bill Belichick received a $500,000 fine for violating league rules and videotaping another team's defensive signals in a scandal dubbed Spygate.

Coveted recruit a closet sissy

Meet incoming Duke basketball recruit Kyrie Irving, the nation's No. 6 overall player according to ESPN. Like most, I expected Irving to boost Duke's street cred. Irving attends prestigious St. Patrick High School in New Jersey, which produced Philadelphia 76ers center Samuel Dalembert and New York Knicks big man Al Harrington.

There isn't much tougher than a point guard from New Jersey. After all, he's not from Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, North or South Dakota, Wyoming or Idaho here. He has to be tough as nails, right?

Nope.

Irving played the lead role in St. Patrick's version of "High School Musical". If that wasn't enough to show you why he'll fit in just perfectly with the rest of the Duke basketball team, maybe this will: he admits in the following video that he was worried about losing the role because of planning his official visits.

You know, to decide where he wanted to go to college from his list of 30-plus scholarship offers.

"It's definitely different," Irving said, comparing theater to basketball. "I still had nerves. I was a little shy, but just like a basketball game, once you hit a lay-up, you're smooth."

How exactly did Irving prepare for the role? (I'm referring, of course, to the role of Troy Bolton -- and yes, I had to look that up)

"I just watched the Disney movie "High School Musical," and just saw how you did it and tried to emulate it."

Yeah, I think he'll fit right in.

Sammy Sosa looks ghastly

Possible MLB Hall of Famer and definite steroid user Sammy Sosa resurfaced last week at the Latin Grammy Awards in Las Vegas. Something's different about him, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Michael Jackson costumes were the most overused costume this past Halloween. It looks like Sosa took things a little further.

Actually, it turns out that Sosa has been using a "bleaching cream," which, combined with the bright lights of the photographs at the Latin Grammies, made him look pale.

"I’m not a racist. ... What happened was that I had been using the cream for a long time and that, combined with the bright TV lights, made my face look whiter than it really is. I don’t think I look like Michael Jackson," Sosa told ESPN Deportes.

Agree to disagree, I guess. And that's officially all I care to talk about Sammy Sosa's dermatology.

Villanova freshman may be 25, ineligible

The Sporting News broke a story last night that Villanova incoming freshman Mouphtaou Yarou may not be 19 years old after all.

The NCAA Clearinghouse cleared Yarou, who was listed on a FIBA -- the International Basketball Federation -- website as 23 years old in a 2007 tournament, making him 25 years old today.

Despite the murmurs, Gordon Finch, Villanova's Associate AD for Compliance, is not overly concerned.

"I don't have a compelling need to look into it because I believe it's probably a typo. We've got his passport, his naturalization papers and his international student athlete form, all of which don't have that as his birthdate," Finch said.

Villanova's website lists the freshman at 19 years old, but if that's not the case, he may be ineligible for the season.

According to TSN, "[if the] FIBA age is correct, this could jeopardize Yarou's college basketball eligibility. NCAA rule 14.2.3.5 states that in each year an athlete enters any organized competition beyond his 21st birthday, the athlete sacrifices one year of eligibility."

TSN also points out that many foreign athletes fraudulently change their date of birth on their birth certificates to appear more appealing to college programs (mostly basketball) and professional leagues (mostly baseball).

If Yarou is ruled ineligible, it would be a huge blow to the Wildcats, who expected the freshman big man to contribute immediately. The Montrose Christian graduate was one of the nation's most coveted prospects last year.

Did somebody say catfight?

Welcome to the only time you'll ever care about women's soccer in the Mountain West Conference. Late last week, No. 17 BYU squeaked past New Mexico 1-0. That's not the important part.

The video below shows junior Elizabeth Lambert, whose favorite food is tacos, and why you should never hire her as a babysitter if you're in New Mexico.

According to her profile on GoLobos.com, Lambert enjoys camping, surfing and presumably being extremely unsportsmanlike.

She hopes one day to be an occupational therapist, which will really come in handy after practically breaking one BYU player's neck with a not-so-sly pull of the ponytail.

Lambert has since become an Internet celebrity, earning infamy from the video being passed around on YouTube, featured on Deadspin and shown on ESPN. During a Fox Sports broadcast of the New Mexico-Utah football game this weekend, a commentator said that UNM's football players needed to be as tough as Lambert, according to the Examiner.

She has been suspended indefinitely from the team, which means she probably will have to do some babysitting to pay for the rest of that college education.

UCF loses Adidas sponsorship

UCF took a leap of faith when extending Marcus Jordan a scholarship offer last year. The son of Michael, Marcus insisted that wherever he committed, the school must allow him to wear his father's Air Jordan brand shoes.

The Golden Knights must have complied with that, because Jordan chose UCF (an Adidas school) over Butler, Iowa and Stanford. And Jordan took the court yesterday for the first time ever, sporting a pair of his dad's sneakers with Adidas bands around his ankles.

Adidas didn't take kindly to it, dropping UCF from its $3 million endorsement immediately following the game.

So, in a completely meaningless exhibition game against St. Leo University in which Jordan scored just three points, he cost UCF athletics $1 million per point scored. Oops!

Every player on the Golden Knights roster wore Adidas shoes in the 84-65 win, and supposedly UCF had reached an agreement with Adidas prior to the game to allow the freshman to sport his dad's brand name.

At least he's not setting a precedent right off the bat for being a diva due to his last name. Oh, wait...

Girardi wins World Series, doubles as Superman

Just hours after guiding the Yankees to their record 27th World Series crown, manager Joe Girardi jumped into a phone booth and did his best Superman impression.

Driving on the Cross Country Parkway at around 2:30 a.m., Girardi spotted a woman who had crashed her car into a wall, the Westchester Journal News reported.

Girardi pulled over and helped the victim, Marie Henry, get out of her car without any major injuries.

Someone alerted 911 of the accident while Girardi tried to flag down some help. When the officers arrived to the scene, Henry declined to go to the hospital, and Girardi told the police that he "had to get going," the Journal News said.

That sounds more like Batman than Superman, but I'll let it slide.

"The driver didn't know it was [Girardi] until after I told her," said police officer Kathleen Cristiano, who responded to the call.

According to the paper, the area where the accident occurred is notorious for speeders and blind spots. Sgt. Thomas McGurn told the paper that "he could have gotten killed. Traffic goes by at 80 mph."

According to my calculations, that would not be the best way to celebrate a World Series win.

PETA joins in hating on Ginobili

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a big fan of Spurs guard Manu Ginobili, mostly because he was valedictorian of the Mike Krzyzewski School of Flopping. I'm sorry, but you're in the wrong sport if you want to fake injuries and get ref sympathy for taking bumps here and there.

In what appears to be a Halloween prank of some kind, or perhaps just serendipity, Manu did his best janitorial impression and took care of a pesky bat that was flying around the AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas.

Watch as (who I think is) rookie forward DeJuan Blair cowers in absolute fear in the middle of the key. Have no fear, DeJuan! Ginobili takes a swing at the bat, knocking the chiroptera (that's science for bat) out of the sky as it falls lifelessly to the ground.

Naturally, a trainer squirted some Purell on Ginobili's hands as he cackled with delight and went back into the game as if he hadn't just murdered a bat. And, unsurprisingly, PETA is throwing a fit over the issue.

Happy belated Halloween everyone!

Tackle fail

The Las Vegas Cobras are a ragtag bunch of guys just trying to keep their dreams of one day playing (real) professional football alive. An adult version of the Bad News Bears, if you will.

The Cobras play in the WWFL, a semi-pro league without a website or a clear message of what exactly WWFL stands for. (Note: after some digging, WWFL is short for Wild West Football League. Awesome.)

Their team website is incredibly budget. Players, who all look to be about 40 years or older, had their individual pictures taken in the parking lot, presumably after practice or a game.

In any case, this post isn't about a pitiful league featuring hundreds of adults who can't let go of their childhood dreams. Instead, it's about the league's play of the week. It would be sure to make SportsCenter's Not Top 10, if anyone close to the league knew how to contact the Worldwide Leader.

Defensive tackle Mauriece McIver (#52), overcome with adrenaline during a kick return, makes a great tackle. Too bad it's his own teammate. Enjoy!

Greatest. Halloween. Costume. Ever.

There's nothing worse than looking at photos of Halloween costumes before you had a say in what you wanted to dress up as. Particularly in the years that your parents took the liberty to adorn you in something humiliating, like a D-list superhero.

Unless, of course, your parents kick ass, like these Kansans obviously do. Taking advantage of baby fat and a double chin, this baby's parents clearly have a good sense of humor.

The baby, if you don't already recognize it, is dressed as Kansas Jayhawks football coach Mark Mangino, whose athletic figure makes Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen look like Calista Flockhart.

It's good to see that the baby is enjoying his role, though the costume would have gone to the next level if the parents had shaved the top of his head.

Maybe Mangino never shed his baby fat, either. His Jayhawks celebrated Halloween in Lubbock, Texas, getting spanked harder than the baby with the awesome Mangino costume.