Here's what you've missed at the Olympics

Been living under a rock for the past few days? Watching 24/7 coverage of the 2012 Olympics not your thing?

Have no fear, Benched Press is here. Here's what you've missed from soggy London, cutting out all the archery, badminton and canoeing, and giving you only the good stuff.

First, nobody really understood what the hell was going on with the opening ceremonies. It looked like a bad acid trip. And some lady crashed India's introduction by just casually walking next to the flagholder.

Team USA had 529 athletes in 25 of the Olympics' 26 sports -- sorry American handballers. See you guys in 2016. Equestrian Karen O'Connor became the oldest U.S. Olympian at a spry 54 years old.

Some Colombian soccer player sucker-punched American fan-favorite Abby Wambach and earned a two-game suspension. Gold medal-favorite Spain got knocked out by Honduras in the first round of games.

In basketball, Team USA beat France by 27 and is a 55-point favorite over lowly Tunisia this morning. Spoiler alert: nobody on Tunisia has even sniffed an NBA roster. Bonus spoiler alert: nobody on Team USA can even find Tunisia on a map. In women's basketball, Australia hit a 55-foot buzzer-beater to force overtime against France. (Australia still lost. Damn.)

As of Monday night, Team USA was tied with China for the most medals with 17. But China was outpacing the rest of the field in gold medals. Four of the five U.S. gold medals came in swimming, thanks to newfound heartthrob Ryan Lochte and ladies Dana Vollmer and Missy Franklin. All three broke world records in winning their medals.

We also learned Lochte is no Michael Phelps. Come to think of it, Michael Phelps is no Michael Phelps. The Olympic legend barely qualified for one of his early events, then didn't medal.

Did I miss anything? Drop a note in the comments section.

NASCAR announcer forgets names

ESPN NASCAR announcer Marty Reid had a rough go of the Nationwide Series races last week.

As a broadcast announcer, the one thing you'd think he'd have down pat is his two announcing partners' names: future Hall of Fame racecar driver Dale Jarrett and color commentator Andy Petree.

But everyone has an off-day, and Reid's just happened to come on-air. He totally whiffs on their names, tries to cover his butt and digs his hole even deeper.

For anyone who thinks bloopers of meteorologists and sports broadcasters are funny, you'll love this one. Check out the video below.

Carlos Gomez rounds bases on foul ball

Kudos to Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Carlos Gomez for giving bored sports fans a funny blooper on Wednesday night.

After blasting a shot over the left-field wall in the first inning against the Phillies, Gomez took his home run trot around the bases.

Unbeknownst to him, the ball hooked foul.

He continued his trot with no idea until he reached home plate, where he was greeted with loud applause from the Philadelphia faithful.

On the next pitch, he took a strike three for the out. Check out the funny video below as Gomez comes to realize his mistake.

Ripken's mom found after abduction

Many Baltimoreans would legitimately take a bullet for former Oriole and Hall of Famer Cal Ripken Jr.

So when news broke that Ripken's mom was abducted on Tuesday, the Baltimore Sun -- and the Baltimore community -- waited in breathless anticipation.

Ripken's mom, Violet, 74, had been abducted at gunpoint, "found with her hands bound in the back seat of her car Wednesday," according to the Associated Press.

Yikes.

Thankfully, Violet was found on Wednesday morning, and turned out to be unharmed.


"This has been a very trying time for our family, but we are grateful and relieved that mom is back with us, safe and healthy," the Ripken family said in a statement.

At first, the abduction wasn't reported, and the media speculated it could have been a "silver alert" -- where an elderly person goes missing, often due to dementia or Alzheimer's disease. 

Luckily (?) it wasn't that.

"We want to thank everyone for their tremendous support, especially all of the law enforcement agencies that worked so hard and quickly. This is on ongoing investigation, so we hope everyone understands that we cannot comment further at this time," Ripken's family said.

2012 Olympics offers goofy bets

Ladies and gentlemen (and members of Gamblers Anonymous), let the games begin.

The 2012 Olympics start on Friday. And it already promises to offer just as many fun prop bets as the Super Bowl.

According to the Associated Press, British sportsbook William Hill is offering 1,000-to-1 odds "that a flying saucer will appear over Olympic Stadium during Friday's opening ceremony."

For other fans of longshots, William Hill is offering 250-to-1 "that every team in the 4x400-meter relay final drops the baton."

And if you're betting on London Mayor Boris Johnson to accidentally light his hair on fire with the Olympic torch? You'll get 33-to-1 on your money. Johnson must be really clumsy.

But William Hill isn't the only sportsbook offering fun bets. Ladbrokes, another British betting website, has been rumored to offer 11,000 prop bets, spanning sport-specific and non-specific wagers.

Most notably, the Associated Press points out, you can bet whether a "British athlete will be photographed eating a McDonald's Big Mac, or that the athletes village in Olympic Park will run out of condoms."

Eager gamblers could actually make that second prop bet happen... but it would take a lot of dedication, and probably several trips to your physician.

In total, English sportsbooks expect to bring in $155 million in bets over the 17-day event.

NCAA announces punishment for Penn St.

The verdict is in, and Penn State avoided getting the "death penalty" -- sort of.

While the Nittany Lions will play this upcoming season and won't be held off television, they did incur heavy penalties for looking the other way during defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky's child sex abuse scandal.

The most noteworthy punishments included five years of probation, four years of bowl ineligibility, a $60 million fine, a loss of 40 scholarships over four years and, perhaps most significantly to fans of the program, the vacating of wins from 1998 to 2011.

That's 112 wins, enough to knock the late Joe Paterno from No. 1 winningest coach all the way down to No. 12 on the list.

But sports fans appear to be split down the middle. Some folks think the punishment didn't fit the crime, and that Paterno deserved better, having built the football program practically from scratch.

Others feel Paterno looked the other way, showing he valued his dearly beloved football program over human life. So I pose this question to you...

Els wins, Scott collapses at British Open

Choking is a part of sports, and it always will be. It's an especially big part in golf, a sport with a huge focus on mental toughness.

Longtime Benched Press readers may remember Rory McIlroy's epic 2011 Masters collapse, or even Kevin Na's choke-job at the 2011 Texas Open.

Time to add Adam Scott's 2012 British Open to the list.

Heading into the 15th hole, Scott held a four-stroke lead over Ernie Els. Els finished his round four-under on the back nine and birdied the 18th hole to finish at seven-under.

Scott's final four holes: bogey, bogey, bogey, bogey.

His bogey on 18 gave Els the sole lead -- no playoff necessary.

Watch the historic collapse below.

John Wall's life story animated

One of the coolest YouTube videos I've ever seen was an oral dictation of Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis' no-hitter on LSD as told by ol' Dock himself.

That video has 2.4 million hits, and for good reason. But for area sports fans, Reebok just got the idea to do a similar animation with Washington Wizards point guard John Wall telling his life story over an animated cartoon illustrating his words.

It's pretty cool, very entertaining and sheds a little light into the Raleigh, North Carolina native's upbringing.

Wizards pay Blatche to go away

After seven up and down seasons, the Washington Wizards have cut ties with big man Andray Blatche.

Some would argue there were more downs than ups and that Blatche was cut in an effort to rid the team of immaturity and lack of basketball IQ (along with Nick Young and JaVale McGee).

Blatche -- whose name the Wizards once misspelled on the back of his own jersey -- averaged a career high 16.8 points and 8.2 rebounds per game in 2010-11, tallying 20 games of 20-plus points in what looked like a breakout season.

But watch a few games and you realized Blatche was just a big kid. (Part of that is likely due to the fact that he went straight to the NBA from high school in 2005, the last year high schoolers were able to go straight to the pros.)

At times, Blatche infuriated fans. As a rookie, he was shot in a carjacking. He was once charged with trying to solicit sex from an undercover cop in Washington D.C. He was arrested for reckless driving. And he was fined by the team for his participation in the Gilbert Arenas locker room gun scandal.

On the court, things weren't exactly steady. Though his stats and playing time improved steadily from 2006 to 2010, there were plenty of speedbumps along the way. Like the time he was benched and refused to come back into the game. Or the time when he was one rebound shy of a triple-double and sprinted down the court, intentionally missed a shot and tried to grab his own rebound to fill out the stat sheet.

But the final dagger through Blatche's time as a Wizard undoubtedly came in March when the Wizards benched him for the final 22 games of the season due to a lack of conditioning.

It's usually a bad sign when a team uses the amnesty clause -- the rule that allows it to pay you the money it owes you so it can cut you and remove you from the payroll. (Imagine your boss paying you your annual salary so you wouldn't show up to work tomorrow.)

So it wasn't too surprising when the Wizards exercised that right on Tuesday. Au revoir, Baltche.

Area kid making big splash in WSOP

Depending on who you ask, poker is or isn't a "real sport."

But when things get slow in the summer months, sometimes it doesn't take a piece of news from a "real sport" to pique a little interest.

Enter Greg Merson, a 25-year old Laurel native and University of Maryland dropout.

Merson made headlines last week when he won his first World Series of Poker bracelet in Event No. 57, the $10,000-entry six-handed event. He pocketed a cool $1.14 million for his efforts.

(He followed that up with a ninth-place finish in another World Series of Poker event for another $755,000.)

And that was on the heels of a fifth-place finish and a 21st-place finish in June, good for a combined $87,000 in prize money.

So over the last five weeks, Merson is up nearly $2 million in World Series of Poker events.

But all of that pales in comparison to the real reason behind this post: Merson just reached the final table of the 2012 World Series of Poker main event, the crown jewel in the poker community.

Though the final table won't take place until October -- a fairly new practice following the increased popularity on ESPN -- Merson's 28.7 million chips are good for third-best at the nine-person table. Top prize is a cool $8.5 million, and as long as Merson outlasts a few others, he should pocket at least another $1 million.

Merson has had an epic summer showing on the WSOP circuit. And though he may be on the hottest of hot streaks right now, what's arguably even more impressive is that he's now leading the race for 2012 World Series of Poker player of the year, edging out TV legend Phil Ivey, who was eliminated on Day 2 of the event.

"He just seems to be in a zone. He's on an incredible run, a once-in-a-lifetime run," said ESPN poker personality Norman Chad, a fellow Terp and Washington Post columnist.

Anderson staying at UMD... for now

University of Maryland athletic director Kevin Anderson is reportedly staying put, despite news reports and rumors that he was leaving the program to take the same job at Stanford University.

"I have not been contacted by anyone at Stanford University. There is no contact and I am the athletic director at Maryland," Anderson told the media on Monday night.

Anderson worked at Stanford from 1993 to 1995 and has West Coast roots, working for Cal and Oregon State as an associate athletic director before coming to the East Coast to take the athletic director job at Army.

So a move to Stanford would make sense for a number of reasons: he'd be closer to his roots, he'd be working in an athletic department in better financial shape and he'd have a lower-stress position at a school where academics comes first.

Where there's smoke, there's usually fire. And though the San Francisco Chronicle may have been premature in reporting Anderson's departure, it wouldn't exactly shock people given his background and the disaster of a financial situation he walked into.

Anderson was hired in September 2010 after former athletic director Debbie Yow left the school to take the same position at NC State. He quickly fired ACC coach of the year Ralph Friedgen and hired former UConn football coach Randy Edsall, and hired Texas A&M basketball coach Mark Turgeon following the retirement of Gary Williams.

"Randy and Mark committed to me to come in here and build the programs, and I'm committed to them as well," Anderson said.

It remains to be seen whether Anderson will stay or leave. But Terps fans should prepare for the worst and expect a third athletic director in four years. While Anderson hasn't been 100% popular to-date,the turnover in the department would be a PR disaster -- and would likely result in a worse hiring than Anderson ever was.

Caps will have new look this season

When first-year head coach Adam Oates first takes the ice in October, his Washington Capitals squad will have a distinctly different look to it.

Gone are right wings Alex Semin and Mike Knuble, as well as goalkeeper Tomas Vokoun. Defenseman Dennis Wideman signed with Calgary and Mike Green turned down a one-year, $5 million offer and could be headed elsewhere.

To add injury to insult, John Carlson, Mathieu Perreault and Jay Beagle are all restricted free agents and are not guaranteed to re-sign.

It seems Oates has his hands full. But the Caps have signed defenseman Jack Hillen and right winger Joey Crabb to mitigate some of the impact from the Semin and Wideman losses.

Oates, a former assistant for Tampa Bay and New Jersey, has his hands full to be sure.

Make no mistake, the Caps won't be frontrunners to win the Southeast Division of the Eastern Conference this year.

But the acquisitions of Hillen, Crabb and former All-Star center Mike Ribeiro should give Washington a competitive squad.

And paired with a first-year head coach, that could be just what the Caps need to get over the hump and reach a Stanley Cup finals that they weren't able to overcome under former head coaches Bruce Boudreau or Dale Hunter.

Nats, O's might not sign top picks

Despite all the hype surrounding Orioles top draft pick Kevin Gausman and Nationals top draft pick Lucas Giolito, both teams may strike out on signing the pitchers before tomorrow's deadline.

It would sting for both teams, but particularly Baltimore, which is in desperate need of more solid pitchers.

The Orioles spent their fourth overall pick on Gausman, the sophomore from LSU.

Baltimore would receive the fifth overall pick in the 2013 draft if it is unable to sign Gausman.

For the Nats, it's a similar situation. If the season ended today, Washington would claim the top seed in the National League.

Whiffing on Giolitio, the 16th overall pick, would mean the Nats might end up with the 17th pick in 2013.

But Washington's pitching depth -- including All-Stars Stephen Strasburg and Gio Gonzalez, young up-and-comer Jordan Zimmermann and bullpen ace Drew Storen -- is in far better shape than that of the Orioles.

Washington has signed at least 25 of its 40-man draft class, including nine of its top 10 selections.

Baltimore has signed 29 of its picks, but is sweating it out with Gausman and fifth-round selection Colin Poche, another pitcher.

Could Nats bench Strasburg?

Two months ago, when I wrote that Nationals ace Stephen Strasburg was among the most dominant pitchers in professional baseball, it didn't even occur to me that Washington could own the National League's best record at the All-Star break.

Yet here we are, with the Nats sitting at 49-34, four games ahead of the second-place Atlanta Braves in the National League East.

Much of that credit goes to Strasburg, who has continued his impressive 2012 campaign. He now stands 9-4 with a 2.82 ERA and 128 strikeouts to just 28 walks.

But during his appearance at the All-Star Game -- in which Strasburg tossed a 17-pitch shutout inning -- the announcers couldn't stop talking about an alleged innings limit in place for the ace, who is coming off Tommy John surgery.

The limit is likely around 160 innings, roughly the same number fellow Nats pitcher Jordan Zimmermann reached last year before getting pulled out of the rotation.

That presents a few questions...

1) With the Nats contending, do they really dare take their No. 1 starter out of the lineup three-quarters through the season? It's one thing if Washington starts falling quickly in the standings and finds itself out of playoff contention in a month or two. But if it's still competing for a playoff spot?

2) If he does get benched and the Nats somehow find themselves in the World Series, does he come back to pitch? It would seem like he would come back to make a handful of starts if Washington was making a run to the World Series.

3) And finally, why the hell was he pitching in Tuesday's All-Star Game if he's on an innings limit? Good lord. Someone answer that one for me. If every precious inning he's pitching is being closely monitored, couldn't he have just spent the game on the bench?

Valuable baseball cards found in Ohio attic

Karl Kissner was minding his own business, sorting through old boxes in the attic of his Defiance, Ohio home, when he came across something that would change his life forever.

Inside of a dusty green cardboard box sat a pristine collection of baseball cards that had gone untouched for decades.

In total, there were more than 700 cards, including many Hall of Famers and ultra-rare cards -- particularly in mint condition.

"Every future find will ultimately be compared to this," Professional Sports Authenticator president Joe Orlando said.

Already, 37 cards have been sent to auction at the National Sports Collectors Convention in August in Baltimore. According to the Associated Press, the lot should bring in $500,000.

"It's like finding the Mona Lisa in the attic," Kissner said.

No kidding. And the $500,000 auctioned lot is just the tip of the iceberg.

In a day where New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez has more than 1,300 autographed or game-used memorabilia baseball cards listed on eBay -- many going for as little as a few dollars -- it's unheard of to come across a multimillion-dollar baseball card collection.

But that's exactly happened with Kissner and his 19 cousins who were named in his aunt's will. Most have already determined they'll sell it, opting to go through Dallas-based Heritage Auctions.

Heritage director of sports auctions Chris Ivy estimates Kissner's family could bring in as much as $3 million for the entire lot.

"These cards need to be with those people who appreciate and enjoy them," Kissner said.

Federer's Wimbledon win helps charity

It's easy to see why tennis legend Roger Federer is a fan-favorite. The 30-year old Swiss has won countless tournaments and has been a class act the whole way.

But on Sunday, he may have had even more fans rooting for him.

You see, nine years ago, a Brit named Nick Newlife placed a unique bet with online betting site WilliamHill.com.

Newlife asked for odds that Federer would win seven Wimbledon titles by 2019.

At the time, Federer had either just won his first or hadn't won one yet. So WilliamHill offered Newlife 66-to-1 on his bet.

Newlife plunked down $2,350 on the bet. On Sunday, Federer won lucky No. 7. But Newlife didn't live to see it. He died in 2009 with no family, when Federer had six Wimbledon titles to his name.

Normally, the story would end there, and Newlife's winning ticket would go unclaimed. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel: before he died, Newlife willed the betting slip to Oxfam, an England-based charity devoted to ending poverty.

So when Federer topped Brit Andy Murray in a thrilling come-from-behind win -- 4-6, 7-5, 6-3, 6-4 -- you can bet the folks at Oxfam were jumping for joy at their $158,000 donation.

"All of Oxfam have been cheering Federer's progress for the past couple of weeks. The real hero, though, must be Mr. Newlife, for his generous gift and his tremendous sporting acumen," said Oxfam spokesman Andrew Barton.

(On a side note, it's kind of funny that the Swiss Federer's win came against the British Murray. That's got to be a little bittersweet for the British organization.)

Amazingly, Newlife had somewhat doubled down on the bet with WilliamHill, donating another winning ticket in 2009 to Oxfam on the bet that Federer would win 14 Grand Slams. (With Sunday's win, he's up to 17.) That bet netted just under $26,000.

Olympic flame extinguished

When you've received the honor of carrying the prestigious Olympic torch, you pretty much have one job: don't screw it up.

So kudos to whoever decided that it was a good idea to take the ol' torch white water rafting.

"It is not uncommon for a flame to go out and this can happen for a number of reasons. In this instance it was due to water being splashed into the boat from the slalom course," an Olympic spokesman said.

It's pretty odd that England's men's rafting team -- a team who spends all its time in the water -- would be elected as a representative to carry on the torch. British canoeist (yes, that's a thing) Zachary Franklin held on for dear life while the rest of the rafting team went through rapids.

Fear not: all hope is not lost for the torch. The spokesperson said there's something called a "mother flame," which is protected by not being thrown into a watercraft, and that was able to relight the once-extinguished flame.

It's not the first time London has screwed up the simple task of keeping the torch lit. But to be fair, one time the flame simply went out while on the back of a physically impaired badminton player's wheelchair. Another time, it fell victim to a gust of wind.

Bryce Harper wants to be a firefighter

Highly touted Washington Nationals rookie outfielder Bryce Harper has somehow lived up to the hype that followed him through high school baseball and into the minor leagues.

He's batting a shade under .280 with eight home runs, eight stolen bases and 23 RBIs.

For a rookie, that's damn impressive. It's clear the 19-year old has a bright future in the sport.

But that doesn't mean he's not weighing his other options. In fact, in an online chat on WashingtonPost.com this week, he was asked by a fan what he would do if he wasn't a professional baseball player.

"I'd probably be a firefighter. Ever since I was growing up, I wanted to be a firefighter or a baseball player," he answered.

Pretty standard response from any guy. Firefighter, astronaut, and professional athlete covers the vast majority of kids growing up.

But he's actually planning on pursuing it.

"Going into the offseason, I'm going to get my EMT and do the firefighting thing so I have something to fall back on," he said.

"Something to fall back on" is a weird thing for a guy who just inked a seven-year, $19 million contract to be thinking about. Especially after someone close to the Yankees' organization muttered something about possibly paying him $400 million when his contract in Washington is up.

Anyway, it's a good thing he answered the guy's question, rather than telling him, "That's a clown question, bro." Because if he did that, his career in question-answering would be in serious jeopardy.

Chestnut wins Nathan's contest (again)

The world's most famous athlete every July 4th has done it again: competitive eater Joey Chestnut won his sixth straight Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest.

He did it by downing a world record-tying 68 hot dogs. Second-place eater Tim "Eater X" Janus ate just 52 dogs.

"I'm a little bummed out that I didn't get to 70," Chestnut said.

For his efforts, Chestnut earned a cool $10,000. And in winning his sixth contest in a row, Chestnut joins the likes of the 1980s Los Angeles Lakers, 2000s UConn women's basketball team and 1960s-1970s UCLA men's basketball team as one of sports' most dominant franchises.

According to ESPN, "Chestnut's total dog count was equal to more than 20,000 calories."

Pretty impressive intake for a lunch, especially when you consider the average hot dog weighs about six ounces, which would mean 68 equals a little over 25 pounds. Ugh.

The event had the typical media coverage, and in yesterday's weigh-in, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg was forced to recite several puns: "Let's be frank. This is one of my favorite traditions. I relish it so much," he said.

After rattling off several more awful jokes, Bloomberg paused and said -- into the microphone -- "Who wrote this sh*t?"

Three O's named to All-Star Game

Following an impressive 42-37 start to their season, the Baltimore Orioles have been rewarded with three selections to the 2012 MLB All-Star Game.

It's the most all-stars the Orioles have had since 2005, and the first time since 2005 that the team has had more than a single selection.

Starting catcher Matt Wieters, outfielder Adam Jones and closer Jim Johnson were all added to the American League rosters. For Wieters and Jones, it was their second. For Johnson, it was his first.

The additions are in part due to the fact that Baltimore sits in second place in the AL East. The Orioles are guaranteed to be above .500 at the halfway mark for the first time since 2008, when they sat two games over .500 before finishing the season 26-53 and in last place.

Each selection has worked hard to earn his nomination. Johnson leads the league in saves (23) and boasts a lights-out earned run average (1.30) and WHIP (0.78).

Wieters ranks fifth among catchers in doubles, sixth in runs batted in and home runs and seventh in hits.

And Jones ranks sixth in hits and runs and seventh in home runs.

While realistic fans understand the Orioles' upside is likely a wildcard spot in any given year -- at least with the current configuration of the always-competitive AL East -- it's promising to see the young bunch put together such a solid first half of a season.

Add in the fact that minor league shortstop Manny Machado and pitcher Dylan Bundy have earned serious praise for their work, and that outfielder Nick Markakis and second baseman Brian Roberts have been sidelined for much of the year, and this team has far exceeded many pundits' expectations.

Wizards' Beal draws Ray Allen comparisons

With Kentucky forwards Anthony Davis and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist predictably off the board at No. 1 and No. 2 in Thursday night's NBA Draft, the Washington Wizards drafted a dead-eye shooter in Florida freshman Bradley Beal.

With Kansas big man Thomas Robinson on the board, the Wizards instead opted to draft Beal, a 6-foot-3, 202-pound shooting guard who has already been compared to Ray Allen by dozens of websites. 

Of course, to be a 19-year old with one year of college basketball under your belt and to already be compared to the NBA's all-time leading three-point shooter is a bit lofty -- but his build and game are similar to the 36-year old 10-time NBA All-Star. 

"At the end it was, 'Boy if we get lucky enough to get a kid like this.' Not only can he play, but he's a good, quality person," Wizards coach Randy Wittman said of Beal.

Beal averaged 15 points and a team-leading 6.7 rebounds per game as a freshman at Florida, serving as the team's second-leading scorer behind junior Kenny Boynton. 

His 45% from the field and 77% from the line, in addition to his 10-for-19 performance from the three-point line during the Gators' run to the Elite Eight, turned some scouts' heads. The Wizards were one of the worst three-point shooting teams in the league last year, and adding Beal should help that significantly. 

"Once you see the kid shoot, there's no question that he's going to make shots. Because of his stroke and his fundamentals and his footwork. From a coaching standpoint, there is not a question," Wittman said.

Beal immediately projects to the starting shooting guard role, and should start alongside star point guard John Wall in quickly forming one of the best backcourts in the NBA. Filling out the starting lineup will likely be newly acquired guard/forward Trevor Ariza and power forward Emeka Okafor as well as last year's trade acquisition Nene.